By Nicole Sanders
Try to look away. Just try.
1. Mastered the impossible feat of making violence, drug abuse, women beating, murder, bad Jersey accents and tacky nylon suits look undeniably sexy in GoodFellas.
2. Is always yelling.
3. Was the best part of Heartbreakers.
4. Seems to be always bloated.
What could possibly go wrong diving in caves? Nothing, except really bad Australian accents.
Pretty positive zero people saw this torture-fest of a bad film. Also, is this poster really horrible and uninteresting? Like the movie? Yes, yes it is.
Lucian, Underworld (2003).
Michael Sheen just cannot turn down a role.
By Sarah Sanders
In 2004, Hollywood decided to give the legend of Arthur a “historical revamping” and thus, we have the greatness that is King Arthur. Starring Clive Owen as the embittered soldier under Roman rule who fights to become the king, the film takes itself WAY too seriously giving audiences everywhere some nuggets to treasure.
Especially Keira Knightley’s “war outfit” – because, as everyone knows, before Guinevere became Queen, she was a warrior fighting for her people.
Thank God they covered her nipples. Oh, wait.
She looks a little exposed for a day on the battlefield. Hope no one tries to take on her immense 90-pound frame in all out rebel war. That might end badly, just saying.
By Sarah Sanders
What could possibly go wrong genetically altering terrifying sharks into massively ginormous, terrifying sharks? Absolutely nothing. That’s why Deep Blue Sea is really boring. And no one gets eaten. Especially not Samuel L. Jackson.
But the cred ultimately lies in the philosophical musings of Carter Blake, played by Tom “I Just Want My Kids Back” Jane.
“That’s the answer to the riddle. Because that’s what an eight thousand pound mako thinks about. About freedom. About the deep blue sea.”
– Carter Blake
Sex and the City 2, (2010).
They’re in the desert. It’s annoying. This line was uttered: “We’ve got a lot of Abu Dhabi to do. Abu Dhabi doo!”
Yeah, how about you don’t. Thanks, girls.