Anaconda

By Sarah Sanders

The genius of Anaconda (1997) lies in the fact that it took three (3!) writers to come up with the brilliant idea of having an insane snake hunter hijack a documentary film crew lost on a river boat in the Amazon. It probably took them 30 minutes to jot down the entire plot, 28 minutes of which were most likely spent discussing how awesome it would be if Jon Voight (with a ponytail) was swallowed by the anaconda then Spit. Back. Out. And wouldn’t it just be the most badass thing if he then winked, too.

I think those three guys were on to something.

The Mummy

By Sarah Sanders

The Mummy (1999) ranks as one of history’s perfect bad movies. It’s on another level of awesome. And it rocks some of the greatest one liners of any film. These are my favorites. Enjoy!

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Girls Just Want To Have Fun

By Sarah Sanders

Girls Just Want To Have Fun (1985) is a Classic Dance Movie. SJP stars a Catholic school girl that just wants to DANCE! But her Army Dad says NO! So she sneaks around with a boy from the wrong side of the tracks and secretly DANCES! to win a TV dance contest. Other stuff happens too like a handful of weightlifting lesbians raise a car in the air, a drag queen screams, twins mirror dance, and the lead singer of a punk rock band crashes a debutante ball and slams his foot inside of a roast turkey.

Also, Helen Hunt wears stupid hats.

Those are dinosaur hair clips.

Accessorizing was a challenge in the mid 80s.

These side attractions but pale in comparison to the excellence that is the film’s theme song. If I could, I would dedicate an entire blog to it. No, not Cyndi Lauper’s anthem to carefree ladies. Nay, I prefer the intergalactic space jam theme, “Dancing In Heaven” by Q-FEEL. Because no one thought they would ever get their feet this far. Orbital be-bop!

Enjoy.

Tron: Legacy

By Sarah Sanders

Tron: Legacy (2010) upped the ante with its bad cred: That is a suckling pig on their dinner table. Why? They are inside of a computer. Why did anyone think that was okay? How does food and blue wine even exist inside of a goddamn computer? How is there oxygen to breathe? Why are there cars? Why didn’t the gladiatorial part of the movie last, say, the whole time? Seriously, someone explain all of this to me.

Awkward Family Dinner

Teen Witch

By Sarah Sanders

Teen Witch (1989) is a classic teen comedy. Quintessential dork Louise Miller has bad clothes, bad hair, and no luck with the boys at her high school. Then she finds out she’s a witch! And everything changes. By everything, I of course mean, her clothes, hair, and luck with boys. She’s totally transformed. In between Louise’s more selfish tendencies, she finds time to help out her mousy pal Polly in this excessively ’80s, yet awesome, rap battle. The battle comes out of nowhere in the movie and is never mentioned again, which is why it makes our bad cred list.

Polly lacks the balls to approach her crush (the dude in the denim capris and midriff baring wifebeater) because of how  funky he is, but Louise zaps her with some magic mojo and Polly is off!

The winning zinger?

Dude in Capris: You can try ’til you’re blue!
Polly: I will make a fool of you!

Battle. Won. TOP THAT!